Limerick Poems About Wives | Wife Limerick Poems

A Golf Limerick

While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,

       his head bowed in prayer
       at this somber affair

to pay last respects to his wife!

Old Bill - Bawdy Limerick

A sex mad codger named Bill
Swallowed a Viagra pill
His todger did rise - 
You should see the size
It sure gave his wife a thrill

17th Feb 2015

Keep It In the Family

In flagranti with an unknown lover 
Sprang apart from underneath the cover
How his wife she did shout
Now his secret was out - 
His hidden lover was her own mother!

4th March 2015

My Plumber

My plumber is here to sort my pipes.
Says he has divorced his wife.
He just showed me his hose.
Then proceeded to propose.
I admit I got the fright of my life.

Blues News

There was a miserable husband of McNigh
Who had a tendency to frequently cry.
His wife filed for divorce
Causing him no remorse.
Now he’s happy as a drunk drinking rye.

Ronald Likes a Nice Bit of Rump

A politician called Ronald Dump
Loves to pat pretty girls on the rump
At a peachy pert tush
All his brains turn to mush
His wife floors him – you should see the lump!

Fictional write for fun

7th June 2016

The Ultimate Gift

All I want is a Christmas lover
A present that is like no other
His wife gave permission 
Under one condition 
Just give Santa time to recover 

November 19, 2019

Contest ~ Holiday Themed Limerick 
Sponsor ~ Tania Kitchin
Count ~ 9, 9, 6, 6, 9

Eyegasses

I lost my wife among the masses
She said I was blind and needed glasses
I searched the inbetweens
Remembered I fed her beans
Then closed my eyes and followed the gasses

The Pickler's Wife

The young pickler's wife was quite fickle,
one day warm then a cold icicle.
But now she's amorous,
dressed up quite glamorous.
She's tickled the young pickler's pickle!

Poke It!!!

Her mom has a wart on her face that grows
How that thing got there nobody knows
I looked to my wife and said
"Poke it, I think that its dead"
She said, "Stop it!, that thing is her nose"

Stay At Home

Said Seamus to his wife, with a wink
Since I cannae go out for a drink
I'm sure me and you
Can find something to do
Let me hug you, while both of us think

Woodrow Is Lame

Woodrow's wife is the apple of his eye
But there's been no sex lately and here's why
She told him that he's lame
Every night it's the same
There are other options she wants to try

The Candy Was Hid

Mister Johns was pretty fat for his height
He snarfed every piece of choc'late in sight
   His wife the candy was hid
   You know what MrJohns did?
He went out trick-or-treating like a kid

No Way Known

My ex-wife thought I was being funny,
when I proposed again calling her honey.
All she had to say,
was ‘never; no way!’
She believed I’m just after my money.

Maid In America

I had an affair with a maid
Accustomed to doing as bade
Now she is with child
The wife has gone wild,
"Thats not how a maid should be paid!"

Between the Ears

My wife and I lived happily for twenty years
Then we met!!! Ever since I've been in arrears
Oh for the good old days
Enjoyed my “being right” phase
Ever since I've become dead between the ears

Mar-A-Lago Poker

The wife took a job that pays pretty fair
Combing out daylight from Trump's orange hair
Displaying his lust
Trump stares at her bust
Confirming an Ace can not beat a pair!

Care Every Where and Much To Spare

Care Every Where and Much To Spare

Christ has so much care to share;
All over earth and was everywhere,
And His love,
From above,
He sent to us with much to spare.

Jim Horn

My wife said that I should change
my PoetrySoupNot sure how to
do that.

No Farting Allowed

There was a man named Fred
Who liked eating baked beans in bed
One day when he farted
He and his wife parted
'Well it's quicker than divorce' Said Fred.

Cockney

A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta

Call the Midwife

T’was her ninth month and early summer,
My wife said she’d heard nothing dumber,
After she had spoken,
Her water had broken...
And me ringing up for a plumber.

Beers and Tears

Men measure life by the number of beers
Women measure life by the flow of tears
It is when the dad farts
His wife moans in her heart
Because her own children laugh and cheer

Edward J Ebbs - October 11, 2011



Written for a poem Contest, Limericks Hilarious

Nutcracker Limerick

Nutcracker ballet tickets for fun
Elegantly floating on air and sun
A great fall off the wall
Wife has a vice tis strife
Nutcracker career, hubby done!

He's Bent

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger
He developed a kink in his todger
It looked such a sight
when bent to the right
that his poor wife ran off with the lodger!

Submitted to Any poem (not for contest)
Sponsored by Broken Wings

1st January 2016

There was an old geezer from Pippin
who wanted to go skinny dippin'.
He gave his wife whisky;
they got bare and and frisky.
Then into the pond both went slippin'.



April 9, 2018, entered in Viv Wigley's Traditional Limerick Contest